One last post...

I have been silent and away from this thing for some time and I owe you all an apology and an explanation...

I fucked up. Plain and simple. I made a mistake that I will regret for the rest of my life and lost the most important person in it. I let my anger get the best of me and said "fuck you, go to hell" to someone I swore I would never hurt. There is no pain greater than that which I feel right now. It pulses through me like lava burning my veins the way my love for her used to. It tears at my soul and bashes against my ribs, ripping me apart. I have said I was sorry and I cannot say it any other way. The worst part is that it is all my fault, dear readers. She loved me. She never said it, saving it like a gift that I had to earn, but i believe she did. I couldn't see past my own fears and insecurities to embrace that love. I wanted to hear it but I couldn't do what was necessary to earn that.

I hurt her again and again and she took it. She took it until she couldn't take it anymore and she gave up on me. If she only knew how I felt right at this moment. It probably wouldn't change anything though. It is too late. The most important person in the world to me is gone. She was my inspiration. She was my love. She was my life.

So, dear faithful readers, I am closing this blog. Everything in it reminds me of her and I just cannot take it. I don't know when I will write again. I don't know what the next few weeks, months, or even years will hold for me. I do know that I will never love another like I loved her.

I will be finishing Ishmael and I will be publishing it. I will post here one final time to let you all know where you can get it. After that, it is done.

Goodbye, dear, faithful readers. Please take care of yourselves and know that I truly enjoyed entertaining you.

-J.C.-